Thursday, February 26, 2015

Voicing it all

I just want y'all to know 
I do think to the future maybe have a child
I don't know 
But my thoughts they making me go crazy 
That $h!+ amaze me 
And I read somewhere that suicide is lazy
Because Dad remember you called me a quitter 
I got tired of doing all those sports
Well maybe...
Let me stop with the excuses 
I'm Crazy!
The thoughts in my head just keep going and going 
And I just keep thinking maybe just maybe 
They'll stop and won't phase me 
But that's a lot 
and God-damn it like y'all said I'm Lazy! 

Wednesday, February 25, 2015


They say this pale pink is soothing
But I dont need to be soothed
So I added a little red to it
It's a thick red so it's hard to spread
I stabbed my last nurst
It was clear she was trying to kill me came in my room with four needles
That's has to be some kind of illegal action
Saying they were going to help me
And then I realized she was crazy because I don't need help with anything
There's nothing wrong with me
I'm basically dead now because I do nothing
And I never did anything and these people continue to call me crazy but on the other hand
It doesn't amaze me I probably look it with my hair like this
All over the place and covering my eyes
Pulling my hair back would be more of a disguise
Many people don't realize
How much I despise everyone here
All I know is that these nurses drugged me and changed me
I was fine until I came to this hell hole
Sometimes I think of maybe selling my soul
I don't even need it
My thoughts take over me and escape through the holes in my restrain jacket

Everytime they come with my pills
I mention to each nurse how they'll be one of my many kills
I'm just giving them a warning
Maybe one morning they'll wake up drugged like me
Then I'll let them all die slowly
Because they did this to me
They brought me in here
Because my thoughts told me kill him and I didn't care
The way he treated me wasn't fair
He used to make me do cocaine, cheat on me whenever he can
And always tried to paint an picture on where I stand
Leading me to believe he told me lies full of despair
 And my drug addiction made it hard for me to care
So the only way to make it out was kill him.

Night time

I like talking on the phone all night 
Not because the one im talking to gives me butterflies 
Not because she makes me feel comfort
But because if I'm not on the phone I find myself staring at walls ,
thinking of empty halls 
Sometimes I spend nights just hoping someone calls 
When there's no one to Chanel my thoughts im alone. 
If anyone knew the things they say 
The things my thoughts say 
It makes me seem crazy and I'm not 
I'm perfectly fine when I'm not in thought  
Sometimes I just press control/alt 
Time to delete

Sections of my brain making me go insane 
I don't know if it's something I can tame 
And when she falls asleep before me
I become forced to talk to them 
See I need to talk to my thoughts sometimes 
But I don't always like what they have to say 
They scratch on my door until I let them in 
This thing ain't  no play pretend
So she forces me to be lonely 
That's not the only time I will be 
When she realizes I'm crazy 
She'll leave me 
Because in nice words "I see things differently"
But it's not the way I see things it's just my thoughts
I guess I can't share them 
So this is another time I'll have to press control/Alt.


There are three obstacles of life everyone goes through
1. Childhood
when you're a child you're usually full of joy...
Oblivious to the real problems that the big kids face
and when you see what the older kids can do you want to grow up fast
but you don't realize how much the small things that make you happy will change 
and happiness is harder to come by
and soon time will fly
and all you'll be able to do is look up in the sky as it passes by
and all the happiness will leave your mind 
then your beautiful smile becomes even harder to find
and then your view of beauty is changing 
and you know beauty is in the eye of the beholder
2. Love
the scariest part of life
not knowing if its real or fake 
if its a give and take
if I can cherish her
if I can care for her
if I can relate to her
if I can only see the best in her
if I can stress with her
if I can confess to her
if I can want the best for her
Does that mean I love her? 
I'm not even sure if this is fate 
and I always want to ask why sometimes shes filled with hate worrying if its too early or late
is she just a date or a soul mate
yelling words filled with hate 
makes you think is this really fate
knowing this is not something you can create
because when its 2am and shes thinking its over 
it isn't.
and then we reach this point that changes both of us and everything shifts 
then you start thinking differently and point of view switches 
because I though she was going to leave me 
but I had to leave her
see the thing is she had a closet with monsters 
and I had a closet with demons
when we mixed it was a bad combonation 
but I dont like her monsters 
her monsters like to hurt me 
my demons are just little things i cant help 
monsters are the things that can instantly kill you 
they hurt you right away 
my demons just let you know they are her they might get you filled with fear but the most they can do is give a good scare
3. Death 
the best and worst part of life
when you die it's both the end and beginning of something new 
it's the end of your journey 
it's the end of you many problems
it's the end of your suffering
it's the beginning of every ones grieving 
it's the beginning of your absence 
it's the beginning of nothing
you're dead so you'll just have to embrace it
face the fact that you're dead and there's nothing much you can do about it 
doesn't matter if you took your own way out and suicide it
or kept running til' you couldn't fight it
and the disease took over 
or you were killed because you ran out of luck on your four leaf clover
or maybe you just weren't sober
either way it's over

Life can be a crazy maze 

but you can't get amazed 
because it's life and we all are just a part of one long book missing the last page.